The Wulf
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Wulf's Den

Updatage
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
By Wulf

Wow, two updates in one year...

Go figure.

So, someone from the old job has been playing phone tag with me for a couple of days and finally broke down and sent me an email. Wise choice, that. I don't really like to talk on the phone (thanks to the old job) that much and I prefer email to anything else. I type faster than I can talk anyway.

It was really good to hear from him - he and I were pretty good friends back in the day. Of course, most of the people that I worked with were not so good - thus explaining why I don't really talk to any of them anymore. Which is sad - some of the people that worked there were really phenomenal people and I really liked them but that place was enough to take even the best of friendships and ruin them.

There's a life lesson in there somewhere.

Just like the one I am living right now. Le sigh. If you quit learning, you might as well be dead. Right now, I am learning how it is imperative that you pay people on time. And that is all I am going to say on the matter.

My life - nutshelled
Thursday, April 10, 2008
By Wulf

Would you believe that I have been locked out of FTP access to the server for this long???

Nah, it hasn't been that long...I just haven't been movtivated to do anything with the site.

Dreamed about Dustin this morning...that might have something to do with it.

Anyway - here is what is going on with me -
Got my BS in Computer Science (take THAT old job).
I got accepted into the PH.D. program at my college.
I will not be graduating with the Masters in May - I am going to push that off.
I will be working in the lab this summer and can take off 2 weeks for Pennsic.
My screenplay is going...well, it's in revision at least. I almost wish I could post it.
We got the NSF grant.
I still don't have IRB approval for my thesis.
I am going to take Game Physics in the Fall - geeked out excited about that.

Oh, and for those of you that don't know, (if you have bothered to keep track of me through this site for years, well I feel sorry for you) I am a Video Game Design and Developer. Of course, I am not getting PAID to do this but, woah, talk about something fucking awesome. I have to decide what I want to do - PH. D. or just get a job with the Masters. Something to think about in the next six months.

Just Cause...
Friday, Januaruy 30, 2005
By Wulf

Me and the sorta new cat.

Blah blah...
Monday, December 13, 2004
By Wulf

It's finals week at school now. Got my calculus final out of the way, no idea how I did on that test (although I am thinking not too good). I have a test tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday and then I am free for the holidays. Well, except for a minor thing after the 1st, I have jury duty. Which is good in a way, I guess.
Just Cause...
Friday, April 30, 2004
By Wulf

I happen to think it's funny.

Christ...
Tuesday, April 6, 2004
By Wulf

I have to be out of my fucking mind.

Sorry, long time, no updates (like over a year). So, in a nutshell, I am in college now, working on my computer science bachelor with an english minor. The hockey season for the Checkers is over and I am rooting for Tampa Bay in the Stanley Cup. Dustin is a thing of the past, harsh but true, and I am single (not looking either). Went to Disney World over Spring Break, had a fun time. Pennsic last August was a blast, Pennsic this August looks to be even better. Will post pics of my Pennsic house whenever I build it.

My head hurts so bad. I skipped class today in order to work on a radix sort for the neverending neverish dictionary program that is due Thursday. I might as well have just beat my head against a brick wall, that would have been entirely more productive. I am starting to wonder why I ever thought computer science was a good idea...especially when all I want to do is work on graphics and write books.

Nuff Said?
Monday, March 17, 2003, 2002
By Wulf

Are you alive or are you dead?
Kinda getting worried here.
Kinda wondering what is going on.
I sure don't want to call your mom.

I feel like I am dead...no wait, I hurt entirely too much to be dead. After spending the week with my boyfriend in Iowa, I tried to fly back yesterday. LOL, what a miserable experience that was. First off, I walk into the Cedar Rapids airport, biting back tears at the thought of leaving him. Then I go to the counter where they tell me that the flight was overbooked and they need someone to catch a later flight. Sure, I said, tears running down my cheeks, I will wait til a later flight.

Ok, my original flight was supposed to leave at 10:30. The new flight was supposed to leave at 3:45. We left at, oh, 5:30. Some fucking retard in Cincinati jumped a gate and shut down that airport for a good hour or so, screwing up all the flights across the United States. Well, no big deal, I thought, it just means I will get to Charlotte around 9 or so. R-i-g-h-t. We got to Cincinatti at 7, after the first flight to Charlotte had already taken off, the flight that Delta promised to hold for us. So I went and cried at another ticket counter and got myself on the 9:45 flight. Oh, but wait. That flight is not coming in til 11 but you should check back every 20 minutes. So we did. Finally, we were able to board the plane at 11:30.

Me and the other people trying to get to Charlotte (there were about ten of us) invaded the bar at the airport at about 8. Upon hearing that it was my birthday, they proceeded to buy me drinks. So it wasn't a total loss, except I cracked the hell out of my cell phone and now I feel like shit thanks to this cold that has settled in my ears. Hehe, at least I was feeling no pain when the plane finally landed at, gee, 1 am EST.

Delta sucks. Actually, I take that back. They did a damn good job of getting me home. That fucker who jumped the gate sucks. Big time.

Why do people suck?
Thursday, December 26, 2002
By Wulf

I just got back from the hockey game...and, for those of you that don't know, I absolutely adore hockey and I am a member of the Booster Club for the team. What that means is that we raise money and stuff in order to make the players' lives a little better (we buy stuff for their apartments, etc etc). A friend of mine calls it "Organized Stalking" but I like to think of it more as a charity effort...whatever, I would so never date a hockey player...

Anyways, my father is on the board of the Booster Club as the secretary and we, he and I, were running an auction for Christmas ornaments on the ccbc.us website (surprise, surprise, guess who owns both the domain name as well as the site space itself...my father). These ornaments were cheap ceramic things that the players decorated, worth no more than like $5 undecorated. Man, who would have thought such a cheap ass thing would cause such controversy?

We have had issue after issue with this auction, to the point where my dad and I both swore we are going to quit as this is retarded. People harassed us about the starting price that was AGREED to by the members of the Booster Club (gee...we even voted on it as a club) among other things. Tonight, though, tonight was the absolute last straw. I have never seen a group of adults, well really only two people, act like second graders. Mother told me about what the other people said though, some of it was really funny.

Anyways, this person, we will call this person "X" to avoid either libel or slander or any other lawsuit X thinks they can bring against me ;-) put in a bid for an ornament and forgot to put X's name on the email. My father, going WAY above the call of duty, emailed X back to verify the bid. He NEVER got a response. So tonight, X tried to claim that my father had to give her the ornaments. He refused, of course, as that would be stealing from the person who was smart enough to place a bid with their name on it, and X called him a liar, among other things. After X was finished harangueing my father, X went over to the table where the ornaments were kept, awaiting their owners to come claim them, and tried to order the runner of the table, who we will call A, to give X the ornament. Since X outranks A in the club, I guess X thought A would just hand it over. Well A is a lot smarter than that and A refused to do so. A then immediatly went to our president of the club, we will call that person P, with X following right on A's heels. The three of them got into it, and ended with A quitting the club (and since A was the only person running our table, this really sucks...not to mention that A is a really good person). Oh, and did I mention that X claims to have a receipt email for the bid that X placed? HAHA, that's really funny considering that we did NOT send receipt emails for ANY of the bids, let alone X's...though, in retrospect, that would have been a really good idea but we were pressed for time since some people were unorganized. How do I know that we didn't send receipts? BECAUSE WE NEVER SET UP THE SITE TO DO SO AND I HELPED DAD SET UP THE SITE.

So after the game, P, X, my father, and the other board member had a meeting in the arena. Dad had asked me to attend the meeting to be his witness and X disagreed so violently that I left without arguement when P asked, ASKED, me to. Just for the record, I did NOT leave for X because I really don't give a rat's ass what X thinks. So X lays into my dad as soon as I turn my back, and me being the smart kid that I am, stayed within earshot...not that that was really hard to do with them raising their voices at each other. X called my father a liar and showed them an email receipt...not that X would let anyone touch the email so as to be able to read it or anything (still wondering where the receipt came from...well, I got a real good idea cause, unlike some people, I am not stupid). They argued some more and then, out of the blue, come's X's child, we shall call the child B (who is NOT EVEN IN THE CLUB), down the stairs with a head full of steam. B said, and I am paraphrasing here to avoid slander charges (ie, mentioning the person's sex) that no one could threaten X. B called my father a god damned liar and a couple of other really nasty things. By this time, me and mom had closed in on the little soiree, we figured, hell, since B had interrupted, we were going to as well and B looked ready to hit someone. I was looking around for a cop, they are so NEVER around when you need one. Mom touched B in an attempt to make B pay attention to her and NOT cause a fight and B was like "if you touch me again, I will sue you." So mother stuck her tongue out at B and wagged her fingers in her ears at him and X then called my mother a drunk. Anyways, I tried to pull dad away and I heard B call him a fucking something or other and I was like "Don't you EVER call my dad that again." B was like "I will do..." and I quit listening to B because P ordered me to go home (and I had to say "You are not my father, don't order me around." and dad grabbed me, dragging me backwards.) Finally, B went to the top of the stairs and was like "I'll be waiting in the parking lot if you want to join me." OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NO B DID NOT. Had I my cell phone or if a cop had been standing there, I would have B arrested for threatening me. I was shaking with rage, something I have never done in my life...it was weird...but it did get dad to calm down and not stroke out. So I quit the club, saying that I no longer cared to be a part of any organization that X was a part of and X was like "good." {explicative deleted}.

All this over a cheap assed ornament...I HATE PEOPLE. I really hate people that get so angry over small stuff...I really wanted to tell X "Dude, you lost, get over it." but that would have trickled off X's back like water off a duck. Mother told me, on the ride home that some of the other people in the club that are on X's side, were calling X's best buddy in the club, we will call that person C, "the smartest person in the club." R-I-G-H-T (that's sardonic for those of you who don't know gamer speak). If C is so damned smart, then why doesn't C run for president? If C is so smart, then why does C side with a proven liar? If C is so smart, why doesn't C do something to control X? AND IF C IS SO SMART, WHY DID C ALLOW THIS FIGHT TO HAPPEN?

You know, if I wanted to be talked to as rudely as I was tonight, I would hang with the second graders. Oh, wait, never mind, that is doing the second graders a GREAT injustice. I have never seen adults act so CHILDLIKE in my life. Oh, what is that I hear? Sounds like nap time...

Bored now...
Saturday, September 14, 2002
By Wulf

Yuppers, I am excrutiatingly bored today...sigh. I finished the signature picture yesterday, took me two days to it using both Macromedia Fireworks 3.0 and Adobe Photoshop 5.0 . If you want to see what I did, this is the before picture and this is the edited picture.

And I made this image with my webcam and then played with both of my graphics program to see if I could clean the image up some...I gave up. I think I need to get a better webcam, this one has real problems getting it to focus correctly...unless I am using Yahoo to chat...

And yes that is a picture of me, keep your tacky comments to yourself please...

An update...yay.
Thursday, September 12, 2002
By Wulf

Well gee it has been a really long time between updates. A long assed time. Hey, what can I say, I have a life that precludes a lot of free time on the net (ok so I'm lying). To sum up my life to date, I can say equivocally that this year has been the worst year of my life. Between the job issues, the boyfriend (or rather ex) issues, the economy, the politics, bleh it just goes on and on and on.

As I guessed it was going to, 9/11 sucked ass. I lost two friends, not close ones, but two people that I went to college with on that day. It hurts. So I spent the entire day online, trying to avoid the tv. And that, spending the day online, turned out to be a major mistake as well. I talked to Dustin most of the time I was online. Sigh. When am I going to learn? When am I going to let go? But fighter practice was really good, I talked to my friends and felt a lot better for being around people that really do care alot about me and that I care alot about to. Yup, there is none of that one sided/unrequited garbage with these people, they are a great group.

Anyways, today was a heck of a lot better. Got a copy of Fireworks (yay) that I can use instead of Adobe Photoshop to teach myself how to make graphics...looks good when you know how to do that. So I will be increasing my "jack of all computer related trades" description...too bad I can't get a real job with an employer that will A. pay me what I am worth and B. let me work steady hours with a steady paycheck. Heck, I would take 25K a year at this point, if it was a solid gaurentee to be there every single month. It was a pretty day today.

Misery
Sunday, April 21, 2002
By Wulf

Dont mind me, this next part is a ramble...

So like I survived the first weekend with no Dustin in my life...I still don't understand why he did what he did (and since he is not talking to me, I don't think I ever will get an explanation, let alone an apology)...in a way, I wish that he had died...there is a finality in death that I will never ever get from the closing of this particular chapter of my life...and if that is a horrible thought and I go to hell for it, at least I know that I will have some fairly interesting coversations with all of the people down there with me, like Dustin

I am having huge issues dealing with the scale of things...to go from "I love you" to "go fuck yourself" in 9 days (when there was no communication at all) seems a little extreme...

I just wish that I would wake up from this never ending nightmare and the last week would have never happened and Dustin would be on his way here (or here already)...or I wish to gods that I had never ever met him at all...the joy we shared does not even begin to equal the anguish in my heart right now...

I feel like I am being a weak female and I hate that...so I cry and I hate that more...so then I get angry and in my anger I want to do things I will prolly regret later so I do nothing...and then I can ignore it for a while...and then it crashes back in again when I hear a certain song...or I see someone that looks like him...and my heart flutters and breaks all over again...

When does it quit hurting? Someone please remind me because right now I feel like the pain, the agony, is never going to stop...I am in hell...I want so badly to go to Iowa and talk to him...failing talking to him, I want to smash his face in...failing that, I want to slash his tires and key his car...but more than anything, I just want to talk to him, I just want to know why...and what I did to deserve this treatment from him...

I wish there were such things as witches...I would curse him with the inability to tell a lie and then I would FINALLY get the truth...the truth may suck ass...and make me want to die BUT it is still better than not knowing...

gods, I love him so much...............and it will never stop.......................

Yeah yeah, I heard you.
Saturday, April 20, 2002
By Wulf

So like I know that I said I was going to upload the old page. Sue me. I have been busy. Anyways, Dustin told me to quit acting hysterical. Well, excuse the HELL out of me! Mother fucker, I have earned the right to be hysterical if I want to. You lied to me, you desertered me, and I thought that you were dead or in jail. Just exactly when were you planning on telling me that you were not coming back from Iowa anyways and how long did you plan this, you stupid fuck? Lol, thanks for telling me to go fuck myself, that pissed me off no end, which stopped the flood of tears. Good stuff. I hate crying anyways, hate is a much easier emotion... How on earth did you manage to choke out the "I love you" on April 15th anyways? I'd of thought the lie would have strangled you...guess you are a MUCH better liar on the phone huh?

You fucked up now...
Thursday, April 18, 2002
By Wulf

Someone, not naming any names, Dustin Lee Lane, deleted my home page...Good thing I have a backup of the file at home...and I changed the password already and took off the ha script so kiss my ass and stay out of my files...will upload the old home page when I get home...